everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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