If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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