I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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