A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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