Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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