should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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