it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
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If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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