i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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