New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
