Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
