she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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