Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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