The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
