What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
