so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
