A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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