yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
