They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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