The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
