K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
