Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
How does one acquire holy water?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
