well most of my day revolves around power hour
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
