The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
worst night to have a conscience
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
