the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
