You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.