I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
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I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
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I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old