I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
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Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
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Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.