I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.