Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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