I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
