I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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