Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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