Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
