i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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