News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
