He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we're making bets on your personal life
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
