dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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