i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
ok first of all what the fuck
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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