Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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