there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
