what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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