I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
