Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Watching her eat just hurts me
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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