Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
two words: eviction party
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
