We're facebook friends in real life
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
