I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Congratulations! We have a period
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