also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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