obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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