worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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