Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
