this beer tastes like vomit already
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
