His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
