i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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