Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
