I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
