"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
People in love make me want to vomit
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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