i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize