How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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