i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize