Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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