i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
