Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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