then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I enjoy the company of your penis
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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