So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
