I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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