i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
